Happy Valentine’s Day!
I wrote the following post a year ago, but I decided it was worth re-posting. This time of year tends to bring out high expectations in all of us. Maybe it is all of those jewelry commercials that seem to be on all of the time. Or the fact that many of us are on Facebook, and so we know exactly what our friends are having/doing/getting for a “holiday” that may not be celebrated as extensively by everybody. Some of our MOPs moms may be married to men who love giving gifts – this is their holiday. Some women may be married to men who really do not know their way to the flower shop but do know how to wire lights that turn on automatically when one enters the stairwell to help his wife be safe as she carries things downstairs (not that I am speaking from experience or anything … 🙂 ) We can easily let our dreams take over reality, so that we do not appreciate what is actually going on. We struggle with living in the moment because we are living in what we want to be. Which is usually not possible even if our kids are being perfect! 🙂 So, please enjoy whatever today brings you. Even if it is only a handmade card from your 4 year old. And just so you know, my kids will be eating their typical MOPs morning pop-tarts – no heart shaped pancakes today. But I will be stopping by Papa Murphys on the way home to pick up some heart shaped pizza – you just can’t beat $7 for supper! 🙂
For my husband Valentine’s Day doesn’t exist – instead today is the 45th day of the year (a joke around our house now). He doesn’t like Valentine’s Day. At all. He thinks that it is a holiday made up for greeting card companies to make lots of money. And I am fine with that. Really. Now don’t misinterpret. We do celebrate Valentine’s Day – especially with the kids. I think I will make some heart shaped pancakes for breakfast, and we have a Valentine’s Day party over lunch. My husband is (grudgingly ) picking up a heart shaped pizza for supper. And we will try to have some special family time. But there will probably not be any chocolate or flowers or jewelry coming my way. Now before you feel sorry for me or start disliking my husband, I really do not mind.
Our 12th anniversary was a few weeks ago, and thanks to my family, we were able to spend the week-end together. Alone. While we did spend part of the time doing remodeling shopping, for the most part we just enjoyed being together. We had a wonderful time. Now if my husband would not have acknowledged our anniversary, I would have been devastated. That is OUR day. And he did several sweet things to make our time really special – I felt loved!
I had a disappointing Mother’s Day a few years ago where I cried most of the morning because I felt like the day wasn’t going as I hoped. (To my defense I was nursing my last baby – maybe I was a bit hormonal). Anyway, I had the opportunity soon after to visit with my friend, Connie. A godly wise woman who is several years ahead of me on her life journey, so she had the perspective that I needed. I asked her if she ever had a disappointing holiday. She kind of laughed and said not anymore. She said “I just tell my husband what I want – what my expectations are.” For some reason, this was a novel idea to me.
I know that as a woman I often expect others to read my mind. Especially my husband. He should KNOW how I feel – I shouldn’t have to tell him. He should instinctively know what gift I want and what to do to make the day special for me. Then when the day doesn’t go as planned, I am frustrated. How fair is that? So now when a holiday comes up that is important to me, I try to tell my husband what I am hoping for. While a little bit of the mystery is gone, the hurt feelings are also gone.
So whether today is a romantic one for you or just another day, I do hope you finish the day with a smile on your face. After all, if mama aint happy, aint nobody happy. I know that in the past I have definitely put a cloud over certain days because of my unrealistic ideas. By God’s grace, I am trying to lower my expectations and also be thankful for the gestures of love I have been given, rather than focusing on what didn’t come true. Happy 45th day of the year!
P.S. I have a few more blogs that I hope to write on the topic of love and marriage. I promise this will not be an indefinite trend – soon we will go back to mainly writing about our “mommy” role.